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Past R*ns and Events
MC-GEE II
Merry Cunts Great Esperance
Escape II 16-17/12/06
Following on from the raging success of the 2005 HIV Esperance
bus trip, another group of masochist HIVers set off before Christmas to test the limits of their alcohol intake endurance.
True to history, the MC-GEE II was brutal.
But hell, that's what we live for. Bring it on in 2007.
Taking advantage of Viagra after he passed out, Digga goes exploring
for orifices in Esperance.
THE CIRCLE OF ONE
Muka Puki's Arctic R^n and
Bat-off Session 08/07/07
Hashers, being a social bunch, tend to congregate in
packs. What then would be the point of having a r*n and circle by yourself? The proverbial "Circle of One"' so to speak.....
Well, to fully understand just what the hell is about to
recounted to you, you need some background. It all started in early 2005 during the
LXXXVIII R^n, "as we strolled along, there was some debate as
to whether we should only Hash every second week, seeing as winter was coming on. Some half-wit had made this suggestion to
the GM, and it was met with a resounding GET FUCKED. Hookah was heard to remark that he would be quite pleased if there were
not too many Hashers attending. In fact, he looked forward to the day when there was only himself at Hash. This way he could
fulfill his ultimate Hash fantasy by batting off in the circle without shame. Hookah, you’re amongst HIV Hashers, mate,
bat off any time you want!!"
And so the legend of the HIV Circle of One was born
of the deranged thinking of Hookah.
Many times had the HIV crew aspired to this masturbation
fantasy, and on several occasions it was almost fulfilled. One notable close call was Digga's 2006
Chrissie R#n, where everyone was too shagged to give a fuck about Hashing on Christmas Day and so nobody turned up. Having marked
the trail and gone to the bother of organising piss-stops, Digga set about turning the
woeful lack of attendance to his advantage. With tissues and Vaseline in hand, so to speak, Digga
was about to head off for the perfect Circle of One R&n when bloody Dipswitch fronted up at the last minute
to ruin his day......again!!! Close, but not the money.
And so we come to July 2007, with Muka Puki
on a company junket to Canada. Taking advantage of the situation, Muka dragged his trusty
cammo pants and HIV beret halfway around the world and Hashed with the Vancouver VH3 pack. A damn fine time was had at the Vancouver Hash, but it seemed such a waste to drag all his Hashing gear all that distance
for just one r^n.
Where else could Muka Hash whilst in Canada?
Well, the schedule was tight, especially with an Arctic trip in the itinerary. Edmonton, Yellow Knife and Rankin Inlet were
just not feasible due to the short time available. But there was one other option, with "one" being the operative word.
Up in the desolate and isolated Arctic tundra, there would be the perfect
opportunity to fulfil the ultimate HIV fantasy. So on the last evening of a very gruelling road trip that saw Muka
finally end up just a few kilometres south of the Arctic Circle, the flour was procured from the camp kitchen and
the inagural Committee Bay Hash R*n was set.
Muka stands ready to sing and bat-off....
It was a surreal experience placing dollops of flour in the Arctic,
nothing but an occasional helicopter interrupting the sound of the gusting wind, a live hare who was also the only r*nner;
and knowing that the HIV legend of the Circle of One was about to be fulfilled if only Muka could
harden-up in temperatures barely above zero!!!
After about 40 minutes, the trail was a suitable distance from Camp
Hayes and the shenanigans could commence. Muka called himself into the circle for being the hare,
setting a piss-poor r^n, not getting his hands on any alcohol (not because of a lack of trying but because of a
provincial ban on the sale and import of booze), and an amazing array of other infringements not thought possible for such
a simple, singular Hash r*n.
After singing a tribute to HIV in the middle of furkin nowhere, it
was time for the finale. With all the pressure and excitement mounting, wind howling and air temperature dropping, would Muka be able to crack a fat and bat off to become an all-time HIV legend??
Put it this way, if Muka Puki was George
W. Bush, he would have been sailing back to Australia on a massive aircraft carrier, with thousands of adoring Hashers
strewn across the deck and a giant sign in the background exclaiming "Mission Accomplished!!"
And if you are doubtful that Muka managed
to pull-off, so to speak, this amazing feat of HIV lewdness, then contact him at mukapuki@hivhash.com and he will be more than happy to send you a complete video of the Circle of One, along with a separate video documenting
the results of his batting off!!
In the meantime, check out these few clips, they may take a little
while to load.....
Muka's Circle of One - Clip #1
Muka's Circle of One - Clip #2
Muka's Circle of One - Clip #3
One final note, to all those who think that a lack of alcohol does
not a HIV R*n make....bad luck losers, you're just sour that you didn't get there first!!
MC-GEE III
Merry Cunts Great Esperance
Escape III 15-16/12/07
What an awe-fucking-some bus trip!!! Does HIV just keep getting better
and better, or what? Man, it took a week to get over that seaside sprint.
There are just so many stories from the MC-GEE III that you really
just had to be there. But for some sort of an idea of what went on, visit the Paddy's Trash and Hash Flash pages where you can read and see some of the idiocy that went on.
We had fine demonstrations of how drink from the Hose of
Death, the new HIV Pisser was introduced, swearing was offensive to all, a bit of street brawling was had by Digga, we had
three namings for the virgins who attended, breakfast beers were tasty, Baskstop showed us how to drink in your sleep, plenty
of spews, plenty of unconsciousness and a truckload of beers consumed.
Bring on the next one in 2008!!!
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Past R^ns and Events
THE HIV CC R^N
Lochan Ora Madness in the Bush
28/04/07
After almost four years of merriment and brotherly
frivolity, it was time to celebrate our 200th R*n.
And we were positively chaffing at the bit to get this
event over and done with, as it signaled the end of Lisa's reign of Hash terror at HIV.
Meeting at the York Hotel after lunch, many of us were pleasantly surprised
to find that a lovely, tight skimpy was joining our party for the day. After some warmerer-upperers, we were on the bus and
out to Coolgardie. A quick stop at The Devner City left the locals in shock, and then out to the ruins of the old Cunnanulling
pub. Bladders emptied and beers re-filled, we headed along to Ora banda, all the while with the Hose Of Death giving the degenerates
a massive liver spanking.
A crafty little r#n in the bush gave most of the party a reasonable
work-out, with Digga's knees and face copping a hiding. Messy circle, but the skimpy had her tits out, so nobody was complaining.
Memory starts to fade here. We had BBQ food at the Ora Banda pub,
and Lisa was left to drink 10 jugs by himself as alcohol fatigue set in for the rest of the bunch. On the bus again for the
trip back to Kal, but not without one last stop.
Those fucking ingrates at the Broad Arrow pub were less than enthusiastic
in their welcoming for a bus load of drunken HIVers. One quick beer there and next thing ya know we were at Kalgoorlie. That
was a fuckin' blur of a trip home.
Most headed back to their domiciles, being totally cunted, but a few
hardy Hashers, like Wooden Root, managed to see in the new day whilst still out partying.
Overall it was a fucking awesome day of Hashing and pissing-on. And
if ya didn't like that trip, then you need to get a life transplant!!!
Service with a vertical smile....
THE BALZANO BARROW RACE
23km charity distance event from the old Kanowna
townsite - 28/10/07
In early October, Muka was scrabbling
around his work office when he noticed all this strange gear just sitting there. Asking old Ronnie the caretaker what the
hell that crap was for, Ronnie mentioned that he had been in some Balzano races years ago, and this was all the equipment
that was required. Well, fuck, if we have the equipment and the race is only a few weeks away, why the hell doesn't HIV enter
a team.
Conferring with the Immediate Past Master, Lisa,
a plan was hatched for HIV to make an assualt on the 23km road course later that month. A team of 7 mighty HIVers was cobbled together for the Men's Team section of the famous Balzano
Barrow Race.
The team consisted of:
- Muka Puki
- Lisa
- Munster
- Mr. Squiggles
- Cleveland Steamer
- Raincoat
- 80 Sux
A pre-race meeting and training session was held at Muka's
house on the Saturday afternoon before race day. All team members passed the physical by showing that they had packed on a
good few kilos in the months leading up to the event. And the training session was impressive as the athletes vigorously worked
out on the contents of Muka's beer fridge. All was set for the good ship HIV to sail into Balzano
history.
An early start was required on race day, so two vehicles started
doing laps around North Boulder-Boulder at 6:30am, collecting piss, team members, more piss, ice, yet more piss, more
team members and some Macca's breakfast to power the finely tuned athletes of HIV!!!
A couple of pre-race beers calmed the nerves of the fidigety thorough-bred
Hashers. At around 8am we headed-off, support truck loaded to the gunnels with eskies, a couch and 6 HIVers. Oh yes, and there
was one of us pushing the barrow.
We soon mowed down the Belly Dancer teams and then set about overtaking
all bar one of the dozen teams that set out before us. We were only passed by the r*nning teams, which although impressive
in speed, would be no match for the Guinness drinking abilities of Team HIV!!!
It was a very pleasant few hours on the road, beers steadily going
down as the kilometres piled up. About halfway into the race, the support truck suffered a flat tyre, no doubt due to the
immense tonnage of althletes and beer being carried in the back. But like a well-oiled Formula One pit team, the truck was
back on the road again.
On the outskirts of town, a quick scotch stop was called to fortify
the HIVers for the last leg into the finish. It must have worked as we set a cracking pace for the last few k's.
And none was faster than Squiggles when he spied the 12 year old girl
scouts team in front of us. Squiggles nearly broke the sound barrier trying to get a eyeful of some potential mother-daughter
combo's.
Finishing in a full team walk, Team HIV recorded a time of 2 hours
53 minutes 49 seconds. Enough to win the Men's Team Walk section of the Balzano.
Whilst waiting for the presentation ceremony, a joint circle was held
with the KBH3 crew, who had come to support their r^ning team (which didn't catch us by the way). A lively circle saw all
and sundry slammed with down-downs. And just as well HIV was there as KBH3 would have had no beers to drink, useless pricks.
Having survived the circle, the well-lubed HIVers were called up on
stage to receive their award for winning the Men's Team Walk. Surprisingly, none made fools of themselves by stumbling on
the stage. Trophies and certificates in hand, we strode back to revel in the accolades of the admiring crowd.
Having just got off the stage we were called back again. What was this?
Had the officials discovered were we consuming alcohol during the event and we were being disqualified? Had we been given
trophies that were too small for us?
No, Team HIV was being given another award.....Most Impressive Team
for Balzano 2007. Fuck yeah, we were damned impressive all fucking day and it was about time someone recognised us for what
we truly are....impressive!!! So another trophy was added to the collection. Great day and a great way to finish off.
After being booted from the park as the organisers tried to close things
up, we headed to Pills' house of ill repute for pizza and a bit of a wind-down. If you want to know more about that,
then check out the Hash Flash album, coz I was fucking pissed and passed out!!!
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